Random Thoughts

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As a kid, I had a hard time reading. I really did. I used to struggle with my reading. But now I have this ability to look at things differently as a result of what I thought was a handicap. Now it's really a strength.

A'ight. Let's jump in this thing.

Now as a result of what I thought was a handicap, I just get these random thoughts popping in my head, and people like them. It's dope, like for instance.

Why are stay-at-home moms always gone?

If we only use 10% of our brain, how do we know that we're only using 10% of our brain?

Is the word "tofu" short for "trying to fool you"?

Is it okay to re-gift a gift card as long as there's still a little something on it?

When it comes to sharks, what's so great about the white ones?  Dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. (Shark warning music)

85% of people admit they're not good at math. I'm glad I'm part of the other 22%.

Do vegetarians really love animals as much as I do? I could eat them up.

Can I call a white duck a "Quacker"? I know. Only a white duck can call a white duck a quacker.

Should you tell people you go to private school?

If you're attracted to someone of a different nationality, are you having mixed feelings?

Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?

Is it considered natural childbirth if the baby comes out with an Afro?

I met a woman who had one callous on her foot. Does that I met a unicorn?

If you say that somebody is unbelievable, are you technically calling them a liar?

What do you say when an atheist sneezes? "Good luck with that, dog."

Why are there no mirrors in the self-checkout?

For every single person subscribed, a child in Africa ... don't nothing happen.

When someone from Mexico visits America, do their friends say to them, "Whatever you do, be sure to drink the water."

If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me my math was wrong, I'd have $2.83.

When you buy a guitar, does it come with a free pair of skinny jeans?

I think sometimes, people take marble for granite.

I noticed that no one seems to care about the outer city youth.

If a woman gets pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?

If God clapped his hands, wouldn't that make a big bang?

We all have some sort of setbacks. What I like to say is that your setback is part of your set-up, so you can deliver what you're called to deliver. So if you just recalibrate and look at it differently, you're probably gone pull some strength from that thing. I love you. I'm out.

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Michael Jr. Productions

Michael Jr. Productions, 5000 Eldorado Parkway Suite 150, Frisco, TX, 75033, United States

He's brought laughter to such stages as The Tonight Show on NBC, Jimmy Kimmel live & Comedy Central. You can also see him in Sony's new film War Room. Please welcome…. Michael Jr.