Random Thoughts

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As a kid, I had a hard time reading. I really did. I used to struggle with my reading. But now I have this ability to look at things differently as a result of what I thought was a handicap. Now it's really a strength.

A'ight. Let's jump in this thing.

Now as a result of what I thought was a handicap, I just get these random thoughts popping in my head, and people like them. It's dope, like for instance.

Why are stay-at-home moms always gone?

If we only use 10% of our brain, how do we know that we're only using 10% of our brain?

Is the word "tofu" short for "trying to fool you"?

Is it okay to re-gift a gift card as long as there's still a little something on it?

When it comes to sharks, what's so great about the white ones?  Dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. (Shark warning music)

85% of people admit they're not good at math. I'm glad I'm part of the other 22%.

Do vegetarians really love animals as much as I do? I could eat them up.

Can I call a white duck a "Quacker"? I know. Only a white duck can call a white duck a quacker.

Should you tell people you go to private school?

If you're attracted to someone of a different nationality, are you having mixed feelings?

Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?

Is it considered natural childbirth if the baby comes out with an Afro?

I met a woman who had one callous on her foot. Does that I met a unicorn?

If you say that somebody is unbelievable, are you technically calling them a liar?

What do you say when an atheist sneezes? "Good luck with that, dog."

Why are there no mirrors in the self-checkout?

For every single person subscribed, a child in Africa ... don't nothing happen.

When someone from Mexico visits America, do their friends say to them, "Whatever you do, be sure to drink the water."

If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me my math was wrong, I'd have $2.83.

When you buy a guitar, does it come with a free pair of skinny jeans?

I think sometimes, people take marble for granite.

I noticed that no one seems to care about the outer city youth.

If a woman gets pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?

If God clapped his hands, wouldn't that make a big bang?

We all have some sort of setbacks. What I like to say is that your setback is part of your set-up, so you can deliver what you're called to deliver. So if you just recalibrate and look at it differently, you're probably gone pull some strength from that thing. I love you. I'm out.

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Michael Jr. Productions

He's brought laughter to such stages as The Tonight Show on NBC, Jimmy Kimmel live & Comedy Central. You can also see him in Sony's new film War Room. Please welcome…. Michael Jr.